Angkor Days

I food prep for each day. Sunday. For the week ahead. Control.   I have always struggled with weight.   Food is a coping mechanism.   I was at my heaviest in the late 1990s.   148 kg.   I went heavier. I just refused to get on the scales after 148.   I might have got to 160 kg.   Medication was required to manage hypertension. That is another story.   When you are in a bad place emotionally and physically, some people eat more, and others eat less. Some people drink.   It is all the same. Just a different path to numbness and trying to fill the emptiness. Pizza. Chocolate. Scotch. Heroin. Religion.   “It is impossible to understand addiction without asking what relief the addict finds, or hopes to find, in the drug or the addictive behaviour.” – Gabor Maté When I had purpose, I was fine. My weight that is. My head was distracted.   In the early 2000s, I was back on the mats and boxing. I was making weight and training hard.   L...

“apart from the wheel, opium is man’s only discovery.”, Picasso.   “Do you still smoke?” he asked Cocteau.   “No, I don’t, and I regret it as much as you do,” Cocteau replied.   “Opium promotes benevolence,” Picasso sighed, wistfully.   From the depths of addiction comes the greatest work.   I remember the moment art dragged me in.   Brett Whiteley – American Dream.   I am no art expert. I don’t know a Monet from a Manet.   Hyperbole. Water Lilies at the Complesso del Vittoriano was worth the visit alone.   I would look at art and wonder how the artist could brilliantly capture imagery. It seemed impossible to me. I can't draw a stick figure. If it is self-explanatory, I will get it.   Some art is straightforward in its message.   I love some art, like Warhol or Kass, but I don’t know why.   Braque and Picasso just make me happy but they miss me on any real level. I don’t even remember where I was when I saw American Dream. It ...